Vayishlach - Conflict Resolution and Cute Coffee Cups

The relationship between Yaakov and Eisav provides a lot of food for thought in sibling relationships. This week's Torah portion begins with the following:  

4Jacob sent angels ahead of him to his brother Esau, to the land of Seir, the field of Edom.

דוַיִּשְׁלַ֨ח יַֽעֲקֹ֤ב מַלְאָכִים֙ לְפָנָ֔יו אֶל־עֵשָׂ֖ו אָחִ֑יו אַ֥רְצָה שֵׂעִ֖יר שְׂדֵ֥ה אֱדֽוֹם:

The first discussion began over whether the English translation of מַלְאָכִים֙ should be 'angels' or 'messengers'.  
"Messengers makes more sense," Gabi remarked.
"Rashi says angels," Cohava observed. "Maybe he normally would have sent messengers but this was his one big chance, like a 'phone-a-friend' so he used angels instead of people."
"Because it was his darkest hour he needed to call on his most powerful forces," added Gabi, using a Magic Tree House reference.
I was still in favor of messengers but we moved on to the next point, looking at Yaakov's methods of conflict resolution. 
 Cohava's list of everyone's observations in the text was:

1. Give the person lots of personal space and alone time.
2. The person needs to see the situation with their own eyes 
3. Presents make everything better.
4. Tefillah (Prayer)
5. Make a mindful plan

In our experience

1. Most of the alone time for Eisav happens in last week's parasha but in our house it is a topic addressed almost daily, with boundaries, privacy,  body bubble, and personal space coming up as keywords.

2. Tova often makes a large dramatic performance over minor things (like losing a turn in a game). Recently Cohava's coat hit her and she cried a lot. Cohava ignored her until I showed her an object in her coat pocket actually bruised Tova's face. Until Cohava saw with her own eyes, she did not realize her sister's suffering was genuine.

3. Of course! But we encourage using them not as bribes.

4. All of the girls agreed that this is crucial in everything.

5. Cohava is my best planner and really values this step. The others were skeptical.

I am hesitant to write what happened next because it is pretty embarrassing. I had made big plans for the project but they weren't mindful. The girls got very upset, very quickly. I said I needed some alone time to plan something better. One of the girls refused to let me have a moment of alone time and yelled a lot. Then I yelled a lot. The situation was completely out of control. I failed on #5, she failed me on #1. The Ruti came to me, holding a rock. "Ema, this is my magic rock. If you hold it, you will feel better." I was absurdly skeptical but when a child offers you a gift (#3!) you always accept it graciously. The crazy thing was, as soon as I grasped the rock, I felt calmer. 

Calm enough to return with a new project.  Yaakov sent gifts of cattle. We would send gifts of cattle to our loved ones.  Obviously not real cattle.  Cup coozies with animals on them.  These are to beautify coffee mugs.  The Torah doesn't mention coffee as a tool for avoiding conflict, but it's implied, right?  'He-brews' 

Step one. 

I printed a selection of cattle cartoony images for the girls to use as stencils on felt.

 Cutting felt isn't easy but the girls enjoyed the challenge.

Step 2
Design the animal and start decorating it. With thick needles and embroidery thread, the girls began adding features to their animals. The older girls loved the activity. It was too advanced for the younger girls.

 Sewing with a needle is not something they have done for long before and there was a big learning curve in keeping the thread in the eye of the needle.

Step 4: I opened the ring from a disposable coffee cup and used it as the template. It is slightly curved.

 Sew the two halves of the sleeve to form a ring and sew on the animal. I need to get the images of their completed work.

The next step (which might not happen until early next week) is the actual 'Vayishlach' part. We will be sending them in the mail to family members. Usually we give things in person but Yaakov used messengers and so will we.  The girls began addressing the envelopes and I realized it is a life skill in which they are not yet adept. The theme of the postal system and Vayishlach could be great in a preschool setting. 

May you have great success in avoiding conflict and achieve resolution speedily and successfully when it occurs.

Shabbat Shalom!

Vayigash- Say it before you go!

The ultimate resolution and denouement occur in this week's perasha.  It is all very happily ever after (for a little while) but there is a dearth of perasha projects on Vayigash.

I looked at Yaakov's preparation to leave Israel for Egypt. He brings a sacrifice and then has a conversation with Hashem.  I connected this with Tefilat Ha'derech, the prayer we say before travel.

In school we talked about travel. We played, "I'm going to Mitzrayim and in my suitcase I packed...". The kids really enjoyed it. Then they voted on how they thought Yaakov and his family traveled to Egypt. They were disappointed that 'car' was incorrect.

In pre-school, 3rd grade, and at home, we made tefilat hadrech cards/key chains! (And talked about sacrifices not being allowed on airplanes).

On the back they glued a poem I wrote

"Before I travel a long way
I take a moment to stop and pray
Like Yaakov, when he went away
Tefilat Haderech is what I say"

1) Cut out words and glue to cardstock ( I found pre-cut ovals).
2)Decorate paper.
3)Poke hole in top and laminate.

4) String beads onto a zip tie. (I love zip tie beading, like we did here for Vayetzei)

 Tada

 Rocking it, with Tefilat Hederech on my handbag!

My initial plan was to focus on the social emotional pieces, as they are more intense than anything we generally face. I read some blogs about the best way to say 'I'm sorry', and made an action plan. I gathered the family, and the whole plan collapsed with too many emotional pieces for me to contain! The little girls stayed and made these, but the concept was too hard for them.  (Sometimes people ask me how I come up with so many great ideas. Sometimes I come up with great ideas that just don't work out,)

May Hashem help keep our failures small, our successes huge, at home and on journeys!

 This was a neat image puzzle that spelled out 'Tell the Truth" we pretended it was hieroglyphics. When I find the link I'll share it.

Yom Kippur Yonah Project- So Much Fun!!!

Two years ago I posted Yom Kippur Crafts X 3, which is one of my most popular posts. It is about to get SOOO much better!

This year I had my class make the big fish for Jonah [Yonah] to hide in, just like I described in the aforementioned blog. 




In short: 
Cut a big fish twice for each student.
Let them finger-paint on one side. 
Place the other fish on top and let them pat t down. 

Peel off and marvel at mirror images.
Leave the fish to dry.

I had very thick paper towel tubes cut to fit between the fish pictures to hold a 3-D Yonah. 
Then I had a brilliant idea and found some balloons.
I stretched the balloons over one side of the tubes.
When the fish dried, I stapled them around the tube. 
Meanwhile the students fashioned Jonah out of pipe cleaners and added eyes to the fish. 
Do you understand the brilliance of this project yet?

As The Book of Jonah [Sefer Yonah] recounts, after three days in the fish's stomach, Yonah was spat out onto dry land. 
Place pipe cleaner Yonah inside the fish. 
Turn the tube mostly vertical. Count to three for the three days (optional). 
Pinch a small piece of the balloon, pull it back, and release. 
Yonah goes flying through the air (and onto dry land)!

This is incredibly entertaining for ALL ages. (It was hard for me to put my fish down so I could type this. My toddlers claps with glee every time Yonah goes whirling through the air).

Shana Tova! Techatevu V'Techatemu.

Here are fish templates of both sides. 

Mishpatim- The way to live your life

Parashat Mishpatim is heavily laden with mitzvot with an impressive 53 (although the most mitzvot per parasha [mpp] is parashat Ki Teztei).  Last year we discussed some of the specific mitzvot and made a bowling set with it.

This year we looked more at the themes. Following the 10 Commandments [Utterances] in last weeks parasha, this week seems like a let down. But really it is the details of how we live our lives. The ins and outs of daily life. Not every day is the Torah given on Mt. Sinai. But every day we still go through important and seemingly unimportant actions. It is in parashat Mishpatim that the people utter the words,נעשה ונשמה "naaseh v'nishma" "We will do an we will listen."

The daily details and accepting them without asking are just what my family needs to start focusing on. We are getting organized!

First the girls and I sat down and discussed what needs to be accomplished during the week (ie putting away laundry) and what must be done on or by certain days (ie homework due on Thursday).
Collectively we decided what would be done when.
Then I had the job of typing the schedule for each day. Print, laminate, and post in kitchen and bedroom.

Here is the system I used: A=Abba, E=Ema, and so forth.
This is how Monday looks:

So far they are enthusiastic about it and seem to have more free time, as they finish without complaining.

There is also more 'naaseh v'nishma' and less, "but WHY do I have to brush my teeth every night!?!"

Picking out clothes for school is a big deal for Cohava. She said that one of the things she misses most about Australia is wearing a school uniform. "Everyone was the same!" she declared. Choosing her clothes each day now is a laborious process.

At first they would choose their clothes and drop them on the floor.

Then I gave them each a pretty, small, reusable shopping bag (thank you post x-mas sale) and showed them how to put all the non-hanger items in the bag. Finally, hang clothes on special hook in their room.

They are really taking pride in their new, more structured daily routine. We need mitzvot and we need routine to thrive.

What does your family do to stay organized?

Shabbat Shalom!

Miketz- Fun or dysfunction

This has been a wonderful and busy week! Hannukah, Thanksgiving, and lots of guests!
My parents, brother, sister-in-law, and nephew all came to visit. With so much going on there was not a great emphasis on parashat miketz.
I hadn't seen my brother, Samuel, in more than four years, which of course does not compare to Yosef's alienation from his brothers. And when Samuel came to visit it was not under any duress. By one of my brothers didn't come. So I thought about imprisoning Samuel, and then holding him hostage until my other brother was brought to me, and then hiding the kiddush cup in Samuel's luggage...

But instead we just had a lovely time together. (almost) No dysfunction. Lots of fun! I am thankful to have my family and not Yaakov's.

photos by Luci Varon

May everyone's family be blessed with good health, happiness, and minimal dysfunction.