Shemini- behavior in synagogue!

Parashat Shemini is chocked full of interesting and relevant material, especially when compared to the last few weeks. The construction of the Mishkan is finished! There is a big and exciting inauguration ceremony! 


And then something goes horribly wrong. Nadav and Avihu, the two oldest sons of Aharon, bring a strange sacrifice, a korban which Hashem did not request. A fire came from before Hashem and consumed the two men. What transpired in this moment is discussed extensively by the commentators, but I wanted to discuss it with my girls and get their insights.

"I am going to tell you something that is scary and sad, but I want you to listen carefully, ok? I began.
"I already know about it," Gabi quickly interrupted. "A helicopter crashed into the Space Needle and two people died."
I clarified that it was sad and scary, but that I was going to talk about something from the parasha. The girls' listened attentively to the story. Gabi wanted to know lots about their fire. 
I redirected. "Could it happen today?"
"Nope. We don't have the Mishkan or Beit Hamikdash anymore," Cohava explained.

"True. What do we have instead?"
"Beit Kenneset [synagogue], but its ok, because we don't bring fire or sacrifices anymore, so we can't do the fire wrong. And there is no Kohen Gadol, like Aharon," Gabi elucidated further.
"What do we have instead of those things?"
"We do tefillah [prayer] and we have a rabbi, our Abba, in charge instead of the Kohen," Cohava said.
"So fire from Hashem making Aharon's sons die, wouldn't happen today. But are there things you can and cannot do in shul, like in the Mishkan?"
"We have to be quiet, and not run!"
"And keep our shoes on!"
"Not yell!"
"Not interrupt people when they are davening!"
"Especially not interrupting Abba."
"What happens if you do those things?" I asked, impressed with their quick answers.  
"We don't die!" Gabi replied worriedly. Of course not. She knows it because all of those forbidden activities have happened with little consequence.
"True, so we don't have to be too worried about being punished for doing the wrong thing. What should we do in synagogue, what is the right thing?" Ironically, this time they struggled more with answers. 
We discussed sitting nicely, attempting to pray, follow along in the book, or to think about Hashem and what makes you love Him. 

To me the parallels between the Nadav and Avihu with my two big girls are apparent. I don't know how clearly they see it. But the modern problem of behavior in synagogue being as demanded by God and community, extends far beyond my family. Here is an article discussing the problem at large and how we can only improve the situation if we change ourselves and model better decorum.

In addition to this, there is the idea that children should not be in a synagogue until they are at an age when they can really sit and understand the importance of the service. In our synagogue, and many others, there are youth groups to educate and occupy the children, during the main service. These groups are wonderful! But I personally struggle with the question of whether or not it prepares children for integration into actual synagogue services. When are children old enough to make that move?

Maybe your synagogue doesn't have a children's program, or maybe you choose not to participate. Here are some suggestions for making your time at Beit Kenneset more enjoyable for everyone. 

• Share your expectations:

Talk to your kids about synagogue. Explain that it is God's special house and how we must act there. Listen to their ideas about it. Make them mindful of all the other people who will be in shul as well. These conversations should happen way before Shabbat.

• Breakfast of Champions

There is an idea of 'Shabbat Cereal' a special sugar cereal on Shabbat morning which was not allowed the rest of the week. Yes, we should make Shabbat special in many ways. But an extra dose of sugar and artificial flavor, isn't going to improve anyone's behavior. They will get treats in kiddush and from the candy man.

• Shabbat Clothes

'The clothes make the man' especially on Shabbat. My girls have an entire section of the closet set aside for Shabbat. Each day they look at it longingly, thinking about Shabbat. Ruti understood this early on and before she was two she would often tug on the special dresses and says, "Soon! For Shabbat!"

A new 'reward' I created is that for good behavior on Friday night, my girls get to borrow a bracelet or necklace of mine. I choose which and we try on a few different ones, deciding which suits, but obviously the value of the jewelry plays a big role. [This is much easier thanks to my super organizational system] The girls are very proud to get to wear something so special on Shabbat. Dressed like princesses, act like princess in the King's house.

• Strategic Seating

Women always politely invite me to sit next to them, and there is an idea that I should have a place of honor at the front. Thank you, but I sit in the very back. There I have a wide space for the little girls to play in front of me, none of those flip-up chairs for the children to play with and trap a finger, and an easy escape route.

Think about where you sit from the stand-point of safety and comfort as well as neighbors. Don't sit near people who you know expect complete silence around them. It is unfair to disturb their time in synagogue and it will just stress you out.

• Special Toys

I vacillate between whether or not to bring toys from home to synagogue. They just get lost and cause fights. But if you are in a synagogue with no toys, peers, or groups for your child, they will need something when their attention span wanes. Last week another mother hung a baby toy from the siddur holder and it quietly entertained my infant for a good 15 minutes.

• Encourage Tefillah

Maybe this should be the first suggestion and not the last. We are in synagogue to pray and we need to teach our children that. It can be distracting for others because knowing the proper prayer and volume does not come naturally to little people. Yelling 'shema'during the kedusha is not appreciated by others. 
Encouraging them to look at the letters in the prayer book (how many 'alefs' are on this page) is one of the first steps to reading and understanding Hebrew. Trying to read the words on the page. Asking the children to think about some of the wonderful things Hashem helped them with this week. How do we say 'Thank you' to Him?
The real parts of tefillah, reading it, when we say what, and comfort in using a siddur are areas the big girls work on at school and home because it is too much to tackle in synagogue, when I am trying to pray.


Do you have any suggestions on encouraging proper behavior for children in synagogue? 

Shabbat Shalom!



[If you were looking for something more fun and interactive for a parasha project, shemini also explains laws of kashrut. Have fun cooking with your kids. Or have your child play this game or this one about kosher animals, while you do the Shabbat cooking.]

All fired up about Tzav

Parashat Tzav explains more about korbanot and describes the inauguration process for Aharon and his sons. More sacrifices! Yay! But I realized that although I am not riveted by this topic, I don't know if the girls understand it at all.

"What are korbanot?" I asked.
"Sacrifices," Cohava translated.
"Animals or flour or something you give to Hashem as a present," Gabi clarified.
"Exactly! How do you give them to Hashem?"
"You need the Mishkan or Beit Hamikdash," Cohava explained.
"And then you put them on the mizbeyach," Gabi added.
"And then what?"
"They shecht (slaughter) the animal," Gabi remarked.
"Then Aaron and the Kohanim make sure Hashem gets it," Cohava said. Suddenly I realized they might think that the Kohanim are like UPS for Hashem, delivering Amazon packages of Korbanot.

"Last week, we said that the korbanot produced a pleasing smell for Hashem. If I got some meat and slaughtered it and left it outside, would it smell nice?" They just stared at me, as the wheels turned.
"It would smell gross!" Gabi finally concluded.
"When I make meat for Shabbat it doesn't smell gross [that is a fact, not a question]. Why?"
"You cook it," Cohava stated the obvious.
"But the Kohanim didn't have an oven," Gabi interjected. 
"Very true. So if there is no oven, what was hot on the mizbeyach?"
"Fire!" Gabi cheered.
"That's right! Like a BBQ. Do you think the fires always burned the same?"
"Uh, no? Different things burn differently," Cohava replied.
"Like our leaves," Gabi added. It took me a minute to realize that she was referring to when we did this.
"Right, today we will see how fire can burn differently because of something near it."

Burning citrus oil.

I got a few different citrus fruits and peeled them. The girls ate the fruit. After warnings about fire safety, I lit our havdalah candle. Then I bent slices of peel with the colored part towards the flame. 

When the oils are excreted, the flame jumps. 

Different fruits reacted differently. 

 The girls each had a turn, but it was tricky for them to master. They enjoyed watching the flame and eating the fruit (daring each other to eat more limes). 

Here is a video of it, although, it is hard to see the flame jump. You will have to try it yourself.

(I thought we wouldn't have time for a project this week because we are busy getting ready for Purim. I also forgot that the Maftir is Zachor. The irony of forgetting the special section about remembering what the Amalakites did is not lost on me. Next year we will do something for Shabbat Zachor about remembering. I am writing it here so I don't forget. hee hee)

The Pleasing Smell of Vayikra

Parashat Vayikra describes many of the korbanot sacrificed in the Mishkan. I struggle to find this riveting and relevant but last year we had a fun and useful project, as seen here. 

This year I looked again at the description of each korban and thought about how we relate to them today. A phrase repeats itself in reference to the sacrifices, "רֵיחַ נִיחֹחַ לַהֹ" "a pleasing fragrance to the Lord". This phrase is repeated eight times in parasha Vayikra. 

Rashi explains:

pleasing: Heb. נִיחוֹחַ [This word stems from the same root as the expression נַחַת רוּחַ, “contentment.” God says: “This sacrifice] gives Me contentment, for I said [My commandment], and My will was fulfilled!”

I cannot pretend to understand how the smell provides these emotions to God, nor do I want to diminish the importance of sacrifices. But...

I only know which fragrances are and are not pleasing to me and most other people. And I like to avoid unpleasant odors. This week the girls made 'a pleasing fragrance for the family'.

Making odor eliminating disks:

Ingredients:

baking soda
essential oils (we used vanilla)
small amount of water









We poured a large amount of baking soda (about two cups) in a bowl.

Then we added about 1/2 teaspoon of essential oils. 

Next came approximately a tablespoon of water.

And time to stir! (or rummage through cabinets in the foreground)

A little bit more water might be needed to able to stir, but the mixture should be as dry as possible. 

 Next the compound is placed in silicon trays to dry and harden. 

After two days, ours were ready to pop out (carefully). First stop, the changing table. The girls each chose their places to stash the 'stink-away' disks. 

One of the girls licked a disk (eww). I was pleased that I know the simple ingredients and don't have to worry about poisons like in many air fresheners. 

Ahh, a pleasing fragrance in the house! 

Shabbat Shalom!

Pikudei Turn the Synagogue into the Mishkan

It has been a busy week, finishing the details of building the mishkan. Oh wait, that wasn't me. Bnai Yisrael has finished the mishkan in Parashat Pekudei. I was busy with other things. 

Not only does the week's Torah portion end the construction of the Tabernacle, it also completes Sefer Shemot. With Rosh Chodesh this week, it is definitely a time of completion and moving forward. By no coincidence, this week my husband and I are being welcomed into our new position as Rabbinic family at Sephardardic Bikur Holim. 

 What does the completion of the Mishkan mean? The relationship between the Jewish people and God is changing, as there is a now designated place to serve Him. In the mishkan, we are dwelling together, showing Hashem our devotion through sacrifice and ritual. Mishkan means dwelling and this is where Hashem dwells with us. 

But the word מִשְׁכַּן  Mishkan is also 'מי שכן', 'whose neighbor?' Just as this special house of God is for Him, one must be mindful of everyone in it. The people in the Mishkan are neighbors, they are a community, serving Him together. And being unkind, ignoring, or rude to one's neighbors, runs counter to the objective of working on a relationship with God. 

Sadly, we do not have the Mishkan, or the vessels from it today. It is replaced by synagogues. Synagogue is Greek for 'assembly'. Kal קהל and בית כנסת beit knesset, other words for our modern houses of prayer, have similar meanings. All are a group of people. 

The Mishkan was a building of incredible beauty, filled with the holiest artifacts. So are our synagogues! The Mishkan was the place for the most devout prayers. So are our synagogues! 

What is the difference between the Mishkan and the synagogue? The people truly regarded everyone around them as a neighbor. God dwelled in the Mishkan in a special way. Clearly this two elements are related.

When we regard everyone affiliated with our synagogue as a neighbor, we create the environment in which Hashem most wants to dwell. Are we a good neighbor to the people sitting near us? Did we warmly wish them a 'Shabbat Shalom' but still respect their prayers and space? Did we make sure that all of our neighbors have plans for lovely Shabbat meals? Did we make sure that our neighbors are well? When a neighbor has been away, have we asked after them? When someone is new to 'the neighborhood' how do we make them feel welcome?

We are not going to easily recreate the vessels or structure of the Mishkan. But every synagogue in the world should be working to replicate the ambiance of 'Whose neighbor?"


For this week's project the girls are working on actualizing this. For example, being kinder to all of the children at synagogue, not just their friends. We also did work on making a physical project.

At this site http://www.hochheimer.net/shira_classes/mishkan%20with%20labels.pdf there is a neat paper Mishkan building project.

But more important than the paper is the love that fills the building!

Shabbat Shalom!

The Great Artists of Vayakel

 Parashat Vayakhel recounts the building of the Mishkan and the mitzvah of Shabbat. There is very little information in Vayakhel which has not already appeared in the 3 previous parshiyiot. But let's have a look at a section about Bezalel.

What do we know about Bezalel? 

30. Moshe said to the children of Israel: "See, the Lord has called by name Bezalel, the son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah.		ל. וַיֹּאמֶר משֶׁה אֶל בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל רְאוּ קָרָא ה בְּשֵׁם בְּצַלְאֵל בֶּן אוּרִי בֶן חוּר לְמַטֵּה יְהוּדָה:
31. He has imbued him with the spirit of God, with wisdom, with insight, and with knowledge, and with [talent for] all manner of craftsmanship		לא. וַיְמַלֵּא אֹתוֹ רוּחַ אֱלֹהִים בְּחָכְמָה בִּתְבוּנָה וּבְדַעַת וּבְכָל מְלָאכָה:

The gemara further clarifies his lineage. He is the grandson of Chur the son of Miriam. Bezalel has yichus [important family lineage] and incredible, God given skills. 

Then we have Aholiav. 

34. And He put into his heart [the ability] to teach, both him and Aholiav, the son of Ahisamach, of the tribe of Dan.		לד. וּלְהוֹרֹת נָתַן בְּלִבּוֹ הוּא וְאָהֳלִיאָב בֶּן אֲחִיסָמָךְ לְמַטֵּה דָן:
35. He imbued them with wisdom of the heart, to do all sorts of work of a craftsman and a master worker and an embroiderer with blue, purple, and crimson wool, and linen and [of] weavers, those who do every [manner of] work, and master weavers.		לה. מִלֵּא אֹתָם חָכְמַת לֵב לַעֲשׂוֹת כָּל מְלֶאכֶת חָרָשׁ | וְחשֵׁב וְרֹקֵם בַּתְּכֵלֶת וּבָאַרְגָּמָן בְּתוֹלַעַת הַשָּׁנִי וּבַשֵּׁשׁ וְאֹרֵג עֹשֵׂי כָּל מְלָאכָה וְחשְׁבֵי מַחֲשָׁבֹת

We do not know more about Aholiav's lineage. The tribe of Dan is known as the lowliest group. To build Hashem's house, the creme de la creme is chosen next to Joe Schmo. 

Why? 

Because we all start out the same in Hashem's eyes! People might judge one another, from this family or the other, but it is not our place. People are great because of their God-given skills, how they harness them, and what they do with them. They are not just great because of their last name.



In keeping with the theme of great artists utilizing their great gifts, the girls and I looked at some art history. I found these posters online, made by an art teacher.

Using these posters, we compared the artists and their work. We talked about where each was from, the time they lived in, what time of art they made, and how their pictures make us feel. 

Gabi has been learning about da Vinci at school and was very excited to share all she knows. She was also interested in knowing more about Jackson Pollock. Cohava liked Georgia O'Keeffe's flowers and though Andy Warhol's art was silly. 

The we talked about how Hashem gives everyone talents and we need to use them. 



Hashem chose Betzalel and Aholiav to build His house because of how they would use their great talents. They were the greatest artists in history. Cohava is insistent that Hashem is the greatest artist because he made everything, but accepted the point of people's skills.

I asked the girls to make similar posters for Betzalel and Aholiav.
Here are the results of Betzalel.



I plan to make a "Great Artist" Wall in the play room, using the original posters, the Betzalel/Aholiav, and showcasing their work. 

Shabbat Shalom!

Ki Tisa- Three Projects, no sins!

Parashat Ki Tisa contains many components, but it is most known for chet ha'egel, the sin of the golden calf. Last year, I contemplated ways to teach about this catastrophic event without traumatizing the girls.  This year I realized it was entirely unnecessary. I have three projects planned for this week, all based on the first aliyah, and I could have many more.

Project 1) the Parasha opens with Hashem commanding a census in the form of a half-shekel donation. The Torah explains the currency and benefits to the people for giving. Sadly, we no longer have this ancient currency, but we do have interesting modern coins. In Australia I loved the coins and enjoyed learning all about them at the mint. My favorite was the 50 cent piece, which was a dodecahedron. Instead of notes for $1 or $2, a gold coin is used. If I were in Australia, the girls would be intentionally giving gold dollar coins for tzedaka (after counting them). In Israel we would use the nifty bicolored 10 shekel coin. Here in the good old USA, I got some dollar coins.

The girls and I had a lesson about currency and math. What each coin looks like, its worth (it is a whole new system here), and how many of them make a dollar. 

Project 2) Next the Parasha discusses construction of the laver, the special sink used by the Kohanim in the Mishkan. This sink is one of the primary origins for washing hands, Netilat Yadayim. The Kohanim washed in a special way to purify their bodies, cleaning themselves spiritually. We are not Kohanim, but we have the same opportunity for spiritual elevation each morning (and other times). This is not the same as washing hands for bread, a common misconception. The whole washing process is different. 

I decided it was time to really teach the girls about Netilat Yadayim [negal vasser for my Ashkenazi readership]. It is something they are meant to do each morning, but I rarely have time to supervise or remind them, so this is an opportunity for reinforcement and re-education into a pre-existing process. 

I searched for a chart with instructions for how it is done. I found one! It was in Yiddish. So I made a chart.

 Then I changed it a little, removed the color and Tefillah and printed it again.


The girls and I reviewed the pictures and instructions. Then they got to work with a pack of colored pencils. Feel free to print these out and use them at home/school. 

Tada!

With a review of what to do, it was time to make the mitzvah mehudar (even more special and beautiful) by decorating our own washing cups.

I looked at buying plastic washing cups [natlanim] and only found bulk purchasing available.

So I bought handled sippy cups instead. A washing cup should have handles, no spout (sorry little teapot), and larger than three ounces. 

I think this smaller size is better for children, as it is less unwieldy to use with small hands.

For a time, it seemed that many of my parasha projects involved coloring on things with permanent markers. I decided that would not be the same here.

Instead we are decoupaging. I bought special decoupage glue, but you can just mix equal parts elmers glue and water.

On the computer I made/collected some different samples of the words "al netilat yadayim" and images related to them.

 I gave Cohava and Gabi stickers, construction paper, scissors, and these images. 

The big girls were enjoying themselves, but Ruti wanted a piece of the action. I retrieved the very plain white plastic natlan from my bathroom and Ruti(and I) got to work.

 It was so much fun! When the cups were finished, I took them outside and put on a few coats of sealant. 

Gabi was so excited about the new chart and cups that she cleaned the bathroom to make it nice for them (Gabi! Cleaned! Unprompted! That alone makes this project worthwhile). 

This morning they rushed to the bathroom to fulfill the mitzvah.
 

 After the lavar is described, the first Torah aliyah goes on to talk about Shabbat. You know what to do for that one: Have a great Shabbat.

Tetzave- Kohen clothes are sweet

Parashat Tetzaveh provides an in-depth look at the special clothing worn by the Kohanim. Last year we learned about their clothes and made Kohen paper dolls [see here]. I thought about further pursuing our organization theme and working to organize the clothes in their closet and drawers with an improved system. 


Instead I rewarded their good behavior with something entirely fun.

"What is your favorite piece of Kohen clothes?" I asked.
"The me'il. I like the rimon and bells, which make music whenever you walk," Gabi replied. [Gabi loved the paper dolls last year and thought about the clothes a lot. Once she told me, 'I dreamed I married a Kohen and he was very good as his job. He liked being a Kohen so much that he even slept in his special clothes. Except his migbat hat kept falling off in bed."] 
Cohava said, "The choshen with the pretty stones."
I explained to the girls that they weren't just pretty stones, and began to explain the Urim V'tumim but it is a deeply profound concept which either went over their heads or just seemed like an ipad. Either way they weren't overly impressed. 

What impressed them was the project. Edible Choshen!
I put up the image of the Choshen for them to see the colors. They each got a plate, knife, and graham cracker.

Tova started on her graham cracker right away, while the girls and I discussed the color of each stone on the Choshen.  Then I took out the massive container of Jelly Bellys that are on sale at Costco this month.


We carefully sorted to make sure the color of each jelly bean was as close as possible to the color of each stone. And we counted to twelve, over and over. Ruti practiced her colors. Cohava did some addition and subtraction. 

Gabi tried to stick the jelly beans on the plain graham cracker but Cohava knew to wait. I gave each girl a plastic knife with white icing on and then they diligently got to work.

I thought these special treats would be gone in a second but the girls (the bigger two) were too enthusiastic to eat their art.

They put the edible Choshen in their lunchboxes to show off at school. 

 If we were home this week for Shabbat meals, we would make a bunch of these for dessert.

Shabbat Shalom!