Vayishlach - Conflict Resolution and Cute Coffee Cups

The relationship between Yaakov and Eisav provides a lot of food for thought in sibling relationships. This week's Torah portion begins with the following:  

4Jacob sent angels ahead of him to his brother Esau, to the land of Seir, the field of Edom.

דוַיִּשְׁלַ֨ח יַֽעֲקֹ֤ב מַלְאָכִים֙ לְפָנָ֔יו אֶל־עֵשָׂ֖ו אָחִ֑יו אַ֥רְצָה שֵׂעִ֖יר שְׂדֵ֥ה אֱדֽוֹם:

The first discussion began over whether the English translation of מַלְאָכִים֙ should be 'angels' or 'messengers'.  
"Messengers makes more sense," Gabi remarked.
"Rashi says angels," Cohava observed. "Maybe he normally would have sent messengers but this was his one big chance, like a 'phone-a-friend' so he used angels instead of people."
"Because it was his darkest hour he needed to call on his most powerful forces," added Gabi, using a Magic Tree House reference.
I was still in favor of messengers but we moved on to the next point, looking at Yaakov's methods of conflict resolution. 
 Cohava's list of everyone's observations in the text was:

1. Give the person lots of personal space and alone time.
2. The person needs to see the situation with their own eyes 
3. Presents make everything better.
4. Tefillah (Prayer)
5. Make a mindful plan

In our experience

1. Most of the alone time for Eisav happens in last week's parasha but in our house it is a topic addressed almost daily, with boundaries, privacy,  body bubble, and personal space coming up as keywords.

2. Tova often makes a large dramatic performance over minor things (like losing a turn in a game). Recently Cohava's coat hit her and she cried a lot. Cohava ignored her until I showed her an object in her coat pocket actually bruised Tova's face. Until Cohava saw with her own eyes, she did not realize her sister's suffering was genuine.

3. Of course! But we encourage using them not as bribes.

4. All of the girls agreed that this is crucial in everything.

5. Cohava is my best planner and really values this step. The others were skeptical.

I am hesitant to write what happened next because it is pretty embarrassing. I had made big plans for the project but they weren't mindful. The girls got very upset, very quickly. I said I needed some alone time to plan something better. One of the girls refused to let me have a moment of alone time and yelled a lot. Then I yelled a lot. The situation was completely out of control. I failed on #5, she failed me on #1. The Ruti came to me, holding a rock. "Ema, this is my magic rock. If you hold it, you will feel better." I was absurdly skeptical but when a child offers you a gift (#3!) you always accept it graciously. The crazy thing was, as soon as I grasped the rock, I felt calmer. 

Calm enough to return with a new project.  Yaakov sent gifts of cattle. We would send gifts of cattle to our loved ones.  Obviously not real cattle.  Cup coozies with animals on them.  These are to beautify coffee mugs.  The Torah doesn't mention coffee as a tool for avoiding conflict, but it's implied, right?  'He-brews' 

Step one. 

I printed a selection of cattle cartoony images for the girls to use as stencils on felt.

 Cutting felt isn't easy but the girls enjoyed the challenge.

Step 2
Design the animal and start decorating it. With thick needles and embroidery thread, the girls began adding features to their animals. The older girls loved the activity. It was too advanced for the younger girls.

 Sewing with a needle is not something they have done for long before and there was a big learning curve in keeping the thread in the eye of the needle.

Step 4: I opened the ring from a disposable coffee cup and used it as the template. It is slightly curved.

 Sew the two halves of the sleeve to form a ring and sew on the animal. I need to get the images of their completed work.

The next step (which might not happen until early next week) is the actual 'Vayishlach' part. We will be sending them in the mail to family members. Usually we give things in person but Yaakov used messengers and so will we.  The girls began addressing the envelopes and I realized it is a life skill in which they are not yet adept. The theme of the postal system and Vayishlach could be great in a preschool setting. 

May you have great success in avoiding conflict and achieve resolution speedily and successfully when it occurs.

Shabbat Shalom!